Contract and Cycle Time!

Hey all,

I always feel like I have to apologize for the length of time between some of my blog posts! AHH! Sometimes though, the thought of typing everything up is somewhat daunting, because that means it's actually happening. And happening it is!

The last time I updated, I was just newly matched with the new intended parents. We have since met each other in person and attended the medical screening together as well! It was great to spend some time with them and meet their adorable little girl. She will make a great big sister! (Fingers super crossed!)

I feel like I need to mention a few things about the fertility clinic that we have been dealing with. Since the beginning of working with them, they have struck all of us as very. thorough. I say that with a nice semi-sarcastic smile on my face. For those of you that know me well, you know that smile well too! The paperwork they sent me to fill out before my medical screening was 12 pages long! I think most of the paperwork was geared towards infertile couples hoping to carry their own baby through the help of the clinic, but I was still asked to fill it out. The second big issue that was raised was about my BMI. I just need to pause for a minute and say that the subject of my weight is a touchy one for me. I feel like I have struggled with it my whole life, and in the last 2 years, I have really made a strong effort, even when pregnant with my last surrogacy pregnancy, to stay healthy and eat the right things and not give into my cravings for fast food and junk. So when the topic of my BMI came up, I was a little caught off guard. This clinic is the third clinic I have worked with throughout my journey as a surrogate. This was the first time that my BMI has come up. The way the process works normally is that the intended parents have been working with a clinic where their embryos are. This was the case with my last journey and also with the first failed attempt. In this particular case, the intended parents have their embryos somewhere else, and so they have the freedom to chose a clinic to work with. The clinic we are working with was highly suggested through the surrogacy agency because of their success rate at getting surrogates pregnant. That is a good thing, and I have had to remind myself of that fact a few times during this process. When we attended the medical screening, we sat and talked with the fertility doctor for about an hour.  He was fantastic! Totally personable, very interested in what I had to say, was definitely making sure I wasn't crazy for wanting to do this again, especially after he heard my last birth story lol.  I have nothing but good things to say about him! He even called me personally after our appointment to ask me which form of medicine I would prefer when we got to the cycling part of things. I took that as a good sign that I would be approved to move on as a surrogate for the intended parents and to work with their clinic. They took 11 vials of blood from me, and only 3 from Troy. For Troy, it was to test his blood to make sure he didn't have any STD's he could pass along to me while pregnant, just like last time. The amount they took from me was also to test for STD's but also check my hormone levels, thyroid and whatever else they could think of. I was also weighed there, which I knew was coming thanks to the agency. They gave me the heads up. For the month leading up to the medical screening, I started getting really strict on my calorie counting, and kept my same morning workout routine that I do at home. It is vigorous exercise, and I hate it, but I'm sweating 5 minutes into it, and at the end of it, I'm glad I finished it! As most of you know, I'm pretty short. 5 ft 2 inches on a good day! There's not much space for the extra fluff to go, if you know what I mean! Anyway, I lost 12 pounds before the medical screening and was feeling pretty great about myself and what I had accomplished. So when the issue about my BMI came up, I was a little defeated. I had met their requirements but just barely, and so they wanted me to have a Skype meeting with their nutritionist on staff at the clinic, just to cover all of their bases. That Skype meeting went great! She told me that I was on a great track and to keep doing what I was doing, but to add a little more calcium into my diet. Noted, and done!

Then came the signing of the contract! It took a little longer than my last signing with the last intended parents, as each intended parents are different, as is the journey itself. I'm not sure I completely realized how different it really can be. Don't me wrong, not in any shape or form a bad thing, just different!

So now, since the contract is signed, and the fertility clinic informed us that I had officially passed the medical screening, it was time for a cycling schedule! Cycling just means that I am preparing my body for the embryo transfer with the required medications and shots, and attending the monitoring appointments to make sure that the medications are doing their jobs. We are back to thinking thick and sticky thoughts, people! We need a good oven again!

So, last Friday I received my shipment from the pharmacy with all of my supplies and medications that I will need to get ready for the embryo transfer.




The picture on the left is my Lupron shot. I have to give it to myself every night. It's just the shot in my tummy with a small needle. No biggie, though I may have slightly hyperventilated when I had to give it to myself the first night! The picture on the right is of everything I have to take between now and the embryo transfer. The big shots with progesterone are coming, and that is what I am really not looking forward to!

So, I am down another 5 pounds since the medical screening, and am trying to lose as much weight as I can before the embryo transfer. Pointless, some might say, but it makes me feel better, and hopefully won't be as difficult to pick up where I left off and get back right on the weight loss train after this pregnancy! A girl can hope right?!

For those of your wondering about baby Alice, she is doing well! They send me texts here and there about her and it is definitely nice to know she is growing and learning to eat new foods, she even has her first tooth! I have a FaceTime meeting with them tomorrow afternoon, and I am excited to see them and catch up! Our last conversation was slightly uncomfortable and tearful, but all is good! They weren't aware that I had decided to pursue another journey and were a little caught off guard and sad. They had decided that in the event that they wanted to give Alice a sibling, that they wanted to do it with me, or with no one! I was not prepared for that, and I immediately felt sad and so we had our moment together via FaceTime with some tears. They also told me that while they would like another sibling, that they're not sure if it is reasonable and practical for them at this point in their life. They are so thankful and over the moon for their daughter, and couldn't ask for anything better in her.


The embryo transfer is scheduled for June 8th! We are doing one embryo transfer, and I've been told the odds are 40-50% success rate that it will take. Pray and don't stop until I tell you to! I will be back  with an update as soon as I have something to update you with! Don't stop! :)

If you have any questions, or are wondering anything, I am happy to answer! Send me a private message, I'm an open book! :)


Sarah

Getting matched!

Hi everyone!

Well, I have lots to update on. When I wrote my last blog post, I was in the early stages of starting back up again with the agency and getting the paperwork going. This process has gone much faster this second time around! I actually can't remember doing half of this stuff, but somehow it got done or I wouldn't have been able to complete my first journey.

I was assigned a social worker that works at Circle to help with the screening of me as a surrogate again and she also assists with matching me with a couple when that stage comes. Once all of my paperwork and medical records were reviewed by the doctor's at circle, and the legal team signed off on my insurance policy, we were good to go with matching. During one of my first conversations with the social worker, she asked me some questions about what I was expecting for this last journey of mine. I told her pretty much that I wanted to work with a couple that lives here in the United States and that I was thinking it would be nice to work with a couple who doesn't have a child yet. Then came the funny part. The social worker calls me on the phone, which I thought was weird because all of our previous conversations have been via email for the most part. So I answer the phone call, and she asks the typical, hey how you doing, great thanks, blah blah. Then, hey by the way, Kansas has a law for surrogates that they are only allowed to carry for intended parents where the embryo is 100% biological theirs. So the use of egg donors to conceive would not be allowed. When I had talked to her earlier in the week, she had told me that they had three couples that were a potential match for me and they were still figuring a couple of things out, legally, but looked like three was a good number to start with the matching process. When she found out the information about Kansas and egg donors, that brought the 3 down to 1. One awesome couple. The second reason why she was calling me was because of our earlier conversation and me saying that I was hoping to work with a couple who doesn't have a child yet. The one couple left after the news from Kansas, have a child. She wanted to make sure I was ok with that. I don't know why, but I paused for a second. After some talking some more with her, I told her that I wanted to go ahead and move forward with the matching process with this couple and receive their profile. Once I got off the phone with her, I called Troy. He is my "support person" after all. I told him the whole story and the two minute conversation went like this:

Troy:"So, what's the problem? Why do you think you have the right to decide who gets a child or not?" "If Hanah and Caleb (my twin sister and brother in law, who are struggling with secondary infertility) asked you to become their surrogate, would you say no because they already have Bailey?"
Me: "Heck no!"
Troy:"Okay, then what is the difference? Does this couple not deserve a second chance to complete their family with a second child because they already have one?
Me: "Okay, you've made your point!" :)

Then, just like that, I was completely on board, and didn't think twice about my decision to tell the social worker to send me the intended parents' profile.

So I received it. This is their first time trying a surrogate. They are a such a sweet couple who have been through a lot and don't really believe that this process is finally happening for them. They live in New York, and have a young daughter. I am going to respect their privacy and that is all I will say about them for now.

We met on FaceTime last saturday night, and it was so nice to get to know them a little bit besides what we had seen on paper, and the same for them as well, I'm sure! So, we are officially matched! I really do believe that this is going to be a great last journey for me!

The medical process will be slightly different this time around since we will be using frozen embryos that the couple has made, instead of the fresh embryos I did with the first intended parents. I will also be working with a different clinic, as the couple has chosen a clinic located in Connecticut. Yes, the other one was in Connecticut as well!

I actually did a little bit of research on the clinic after I read the intended parents' profile and knew who we would be working with. They seems like a great clinic and I actually learned something new. The powers that be in the field of fertility medicine, recommend that only one embryo be transferred in, if the woman is under the age of 35 and has a good chance of achieving pregnancy! After my first experience with the very first intended parents who had frozen embryos, I was a little worried that if we only transferred in one, we might not have great news to report. But after talking a little more with  the clinic over the phone and discussing some logistics, I feel great about transferring one in! But that doesn't mean I won't be needing your prayers and well wishes, and good thoughts headed my way! It is still a science and still so much unknown and unpredictability! I, of course, am going to do everything on my part to ensure that this little embryo has the best chance of latching on! Think sticky thoughts!

Coming up next month will be the medical screening. It requires me and Troy to fly to the clinic in Connecticut. They will be taking blood work from the both of us, just to make sure we do not have any diseases that could pass to the baby. They will also be checking out my downstairs to make sure there aren't any polyps or anything that might not make my uterus a cozy little oven for a baby. They will perform a saline sonogram which includes injecting a couple of teaspoons of saline into my uterus, but is not painful other than a little cramping during that time. After that, we will be free to go and visit with the couple and get to know them a little bit more face to face! The result of the ultrasound and our blood work should take a week, and then we will be good to move forward with the next step medically.

That next step can't happen until we have agreed upon and both parties have signed the Carrier Agreement. Should be the same as my last contract, with a few minor changes, but otherwise, not something new to me! Once that is done though, it will be embryo transfer time! The weeks leading up the transfer, I will start medication and start the twice a week monitoring with the clinic here that can send same day results to the clinic in Connecticut. I am definitely not looking forward to the shots again, but it's only for three months! :)

For now, we just use the time to keep getting to know the couple via facetime and preparing for what is ahead! I will keep you all updated as progress comes! Thanks for reading, please don't stop praying, and I appreciate all of your support! :)

Sarah










  

I have some news!

Hello people!

I realize it has been a while since my last post but I finally have some news to share! I have officially decided to be a surrogate...ONE MORE TIME!!!

This will be my second and last time as a surrogate and to be honest, I'm kind of more excited that I thought I would be at this point. I just went to my doctor for my annual check up and she gave me the OK to have another baby, and even put it on paper for me so that I could send it in to the agency! So much easier this time to get that beloved piece of paper.

I can't tell you what really solidified my decision to rent out my oven again, other than this feeling that I can't seem to shake. I feel like I am supposed to do this one more time. Like, there is one more couple out there, just waiting for a surrogate to deliver them their baby. I can do that right? One of my friends that was pregnant with me at the same time last time, reminded me of something I said to her while I was pregnant and very uncomfortable. I told her to tell me I was crazy if I talked about doing this again lol. But the timeline of the last pregnancy is the same as this. It is 9 months. There is an end to some of the misery that comes with pregnancy. The truth is, I felt great with this last pregnancy, once the nausea was over with and I could control the heartburn towards the end. The payoff of seeing the joy in the parents' face when they are handed their newborn baby is more than enough to tough the 9 months out. I mean, really! I'm healthy, able, and willing to do this one more time. I ask myself a lot if I would regret not doing something when I am contemplating it, and the answer to this one is yes, I would regret it if I didn't do surrogacy again. So here I am! I know, I know, I'm crazy! You can say it, I know some of you are at least thinking it! :)

Baby Alice is almost 7 months old! Can you believe that? A lot of people have asked me how I am feeling since the birth and whether in the days and months that have passed, if I feel sad or regretful in any way that I don't have the baby. NOPE! Not at all! She was never mine to begin with and I don't have any sadness or regret! I actually feel like giving birth to Alice was something I did more than a decade ago or even in a passed life! It's weird to think that I gave birth to a human being 7 months ago! I kept saying during the whole pregnancy that it was like my brain and my body weren't attached because of the lack of emotion that I felt regarding the baby and any kind of attachment you would feel carrying your own child. Apparently, that hasn't changed even after birth and throughout the passed months! Maybe that's the way it should be?

I have been back in contact with the surrogacy agency and will be working with them again during this second and last journey. They were great to work with the first time, and I don't anticipate them being any different this go round! Being a surrogate the second time around is much easier than the first and far less time consuming. I did have to reapply and submit my latest medical records from Alice's birth, otherwise, I am good to go! I could potentially be matched with a couple next month! I realize, of course, that this second journey may not go as smoothly or as easily. I may not get pregnant on the first try, or I may end up on bed rest due to complications or being pregnant with twins. These are risks I am willing to take as I am fully aware of the large realm of possibilities. In the meantime, I would appreciate your prayers and good thoughts sent my way. One try and a healthy pregnancy would be the most ideal but I am committing to this knowing that it may be a longer journey. The payoff is worth it though. Keeping my eye on the prize! :)

I will, of course keep you updated as things progress. I appreciate the support more than you know, and am looking forward to this next journey and the love and joy it will bring to a couple who so has a desire for a child of their own.

Thanks everyone, I will be in touch! :)

Sarah

10 Weeks Post Delivery!

Hey all,
I figured I would give everyone an update on the last few months since delivery. It has been almost 11 weeks since I gave birth, and I'm just now starting to feel back to normal. The carpal tunnel has gotten significantly better, the heartburn is pretty much gone, and my back pain is getting better, and I see a nice hot stone massage in my future to help with that!

I had my 6 week checkup in the middle of October, and everything checked out just fine. Considering everything that went on down there, the doctor was pleased with her findings and gave me the okay to start exercising.  SHHH, don't tell her I started working out before she okay'ed it! I couldn't stand it much anymore. I had to do something! Ever since I can remember, I have always struggled with my weight, and with each of my pregnancies, I have not gained very much throughout, but this time, I didn't have to take care of a newborn to distract me from taking care of mommy! I probably overdid it for a few days especially at first, but everything is good, and I feel so much better when I work out! I'm starting to see some differences in my body, and my husband can even tell as well, which is a nice motivator!

My husband came home on October 25th! He left 8 days after delivery, so he was gone for 7 weeks! WAY TOO LONG!!! Him being gone was very hard, mostly emotionally this time. When he was gone for 5 weeks when I was still majorly pregnant, it was hard physically as well as emotionally but I was slightly distracted with giving birth to a healthy baby just enough. So glad he is home, and we are adjusting well to him being home! He now works from home and that has really been good for the kids to see him throughout the day, and know that he is still with us. We missed him very much!

A couple of weeks ago, I had my exit interview with Circle Surrogacy, the agency. It was just a time when they ask our opinions as surrogates what they can do to better their process and make things easier for us. They really did a fantastic job with me and the intended parents and I would recommend them strongly to anyone who would be interested in starting on a surrogacy journey.

The last question  of the interview was the hardest for me to answer. Would you consider a surrogacy journey again? The answer is a big whopping: I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been asked this question several times by different people who know about my first journey, and I have not been able to give them a for-sure answer! I cannot fully say no, I won't do it again, or yes, I will do it again. I have been thinking of my answer to that question for a while now, even before she asked it in the exit interview. There are many reasons I would want to do it again. I just keep thinking that there is a couple out there waiting to be matched so that they can finally have the baby they've been waiting for, and here I am, perfectly capable of doing that! The cons aren't lost on me either. It's a lot. It's a lot to commit to again. Just because this surrogacy journey with these intended parents turned out great, does not mean that it will be that "easy" the next time around. There are so many factors and what ifs that need to be considered and I get very overwhelmed thinking about it, so I push it out of my brain, but it just comes creeping back. Maybe there's a reason. For those of you praying, pray for clarity!

I look at my children, and I think someone out there is waiting for a baby, a child to love like I love mine. Why wouldn't I give that to them? To me, it's not that simple, and I'm really trying to put some serious thought into it. Pray for me! :)

I will keep you updated when I have come to a decision. Hopefully it will be before I told the lady conducting the exit interview that she could call me back in 3 months and get an answer then! :)

Thanks for reading!
Sarah

Post-pregnancy update

Alright, so it has now been 19 days since I gave birth to Alice. I have had many people ask how I'm doing, so I thought I would post an update on that. I just posted a blog with pictures of baby Alice. She is a cutie, for sure!

So, she was born on the 28th, and I was able to go home on the 30th of August. It was a rough week recovering. I was really sore mostly so was walking slow but still needed to do mom duties for my own kids. Ahh, life as a mom never ends or takes a break! It was nice to be able to sit Kynlee on my lap though, without my belly in the way! It also felt funny to drive for the first few days until I realized what was different about it. My belly wasn't rubbing against the steering wheel anymore! It's the little things, people!

I was prepared for this, and I knew it was inevitable, but my milk started coming in while I was still at the hospital. The couple chose to formula feed the baby. I was thankful for this choice in the end because even though I would have been happy to provide them with breast milk, it would have been a huge pain, not to mention added cost, of shipping the milk to France and having to pump all the time. The first 6 days after birth were the hardest. I was engorged and rock hard. I couldn't stand to be touched in the general area and when Kynlee punched me in the boob, I just about bawled my eyes out lol. We are at day 19 now, and I am still leaking breast milk, but the hardness and pain has gone away for the most part. It took me a long time to dry up with my own kids after breastfeeding for over a year, so I'm just giving it time, although it's a little annoying.

I have been pretty emotional, but not for the reasons one might think after having had a baby for someone else. I am not sad in any way regarding not having a baby to cuddle and hold, and feed in the middle of the night! I am sad because my husband is gone again, and the hormones of having a baby are in full swing! For about five or six days before he left, I had to fight this constant feeling of panic and anxiety. While giving birth to Alice was the hardest thing I have done physically, getting through these weeks until Halloween will be the hardest thing I have done mentally. It is overwhelming to think about the time frame of when Troy will be home and how long that is from now. It is way too long, but there is nothing he or I can do about it. He does have the option to come back between now and Halloween but I told him not to. When he came back for the birth, it took all of us 4 or 5 days to adjust to him being back again, and he would only be able to stay 5 days if he did come back. We would just be adjusting to him being back when it would be time for him to leave again, and I can't enjoy the time he is home, because all I'm thinking about is him leaving again. I told him to just get it done, and get home for good. He will probably have to travel back and forth a bit, but it won't be for a long time, hopefully just a week at a time. We both agree it isn't good to be apart like this, especially for the kids, but we are just doing what needs to be done at this point with the hopes of bettering and improving our lives. Still, it is the hardest thing mentally I have had to do so far. My patience is thin, I am almost constantly holding back tears, and I take it hour by hour daily. That's all I can do at this point. I am looking forward to the days when Troy will be home again full time, and we can get into a new routine with him working from home.

I was able to see the couple a few times after the baby was born. They would come visit me at my house. They were able to get the passport back after just two weeks! So they changed their flights from the 19th, to the 12th, which was Friday. I got to hold and cuddle baby Alice for most of the evening the night before she left. I felt no attachment or longing for another of my own, but just was enjoying getting to cuddle a sleepy newborn. I got to feed her and change a few diapers. She is pretty tiny and dainty! Long limbs and fingers and toes. Pretty easy going, and very awake for a newborn. She doesn't cry very much at all, just likes to look around and take it all in. She gets the hiccups a lot which is not surprising at all considering she had them several times a day when I carried her. As the couple was leaving on their last night here, it was difficult for them to say goodbye. It was an emotional one as they told me that "thank you" will never be enough, and there are no words to express their gratitude for what I have done for them. They said they will always consider me as family and we will talk frequently on FaceTime as Alice grows and grows! :)

If you have any questions for me at this point, I would be happy to answer them! I am an open book :)

Sarah

Baby Alice

24 hours old here. 

Born at 6:55 pm. 7 lbs 13 ounces. 21 inches long. Just a few minutes old here. 

1 week old here 

2 weeks old here 

Labor and Delivery!

Okay people, guess what!? I'm not pregnant anymore!!! WOOHOO!!!

What an absolutely crazy day yesterday! My day started around 5 am. I slept okay at the hospital hooked up to the monitors that were watching the baby while the Cervidil was inserted overnight. I kept waiting for labor to start during the night but nothing really happened. When I got up at 5 am, I needed to pee so I went to the restroom. When I got back in bed, I noticed some small painful contractions starting at pretty regular intervals. I only had half an hour left with the Cervidil and then the nurse was going to come take it out. At 6 am, she came to take it out and I let her know that I was having some contractions but nothing too strong just yet, but definitely different from the Braxton Hicks I had been having. She checked me after removing the Cervidil and basically nothing had changed from the overnight drug. Still only 1 centimeter and still 50 percent effaced. I was a little bummed that some progress hadn't been made at least with the effacing part! She did say my cervix was softer and more ready to do the rest of what it needed to do during labor. Around 7 am, she started the Pitocin. I noticed a difference right away with the contractions. They became stronger, more painful, and closer together. She started at 2 micro units and was increasing by two micro units every 20 minutes or so. My husband arrived to the hospital from dropping off the kids with my friend who would be watching them for the day around 8:45. By 9 am, the contractions were getting very painful, I couldn't talk through them, and they were sometimes right on top of each other. My nurse was absolutely awesome! She let me know right away that I had rights as a patient and that if I didn't want something to happen the way the doctor was saying it should, that I could speak up and do things my way. I told the nurse that I would prefer to get the epidural before the water is broken, and she agreed with me that it would be the best way to do it, and told the doctor that that is the way we would go when it was time for the epidural. By 10:30, I was up to 12 micro units of Pitcocin and hurting pretty badly. Contractions were very strong, very close together, and I was starting to wear down a bit. The nurse checked me and said that I was at 4 centimeters and almost 100 percent effaced! Yay, progress! I was surprised at the progress, and thankful for it, and then consented to the epidural shortly thereafter. It took about 45 minutes for the anesthesiologist to come up and administer the epidural and by that time, I was definitely ready. This time, the epidural was different for me. With my previous births, Brae's epidural was only for 4 hours of the 45 hours labor, and with Kynlee's birth, the epidural was administered and then turned off almost immediately because I was almost completely dilated and they wanted me to be able to feel something and not be so numb. So with this birth, it was the earliest I have gotten it during labor and it also took the longest out of them all to take effect. After about 30 minutes, I was pretty numb and couldn't feel the contractions with pain anymore, just more pressure and tightening than anything. I was grateful for that because if the monitors were any indication, I was having some pretty strong ones. At this point, I hadn't eaten since 5pm the night before, and I was starving. They wouldn't let me eat anything which I expected, but I also didn't expect to feel so hungry!

Shortly after the epidural took effect, the doctor came in to break my water. After they broke my water, they increased the Pitocin again, and I was so thankful that I couldn't feel them! She checked me again about an hour after my water was broken, and I was dilated to a 5 and completely effaced. Yay, more progress! To tame some of the hunger, I started chewing on ice chips since that was the only thing I could have. BAD IDEA! I have had very bad heartburn during most of this pregnancy and it was really bad for the last month or so, and during labor it was just at an all time high. Laying on my back did not help and having nothing in my stomach but stomach acid from not eating for 18 hours at that point did not help it either! The water just made it 10 times worse! Another hour or so went by, and I started to feel a lot of pressure and also started to feel the effects of the epidural wearing off. My legs started to have more feeling in them and I started to feel the pain of the contractions again. The nurse checked me again, and I was dilated to 8-9 cm. Great! After about 30 minutes of feeling the contractions again, and not being able to talk through them again, the anesthesiologist came up again and gave me a bolus of numbing medicine and it slowly took effect and I was back to numb again. At this point, it was closer to 3 pm, and I was thinking to myself: "Wow this is going pretty great! No complications so far and I'm progressing and almost there!" And then, everything hit the fan!

A couple of minutes after 3 pm, the nurse checked me again, and said that I was complete and ready to push! She didn't call the doctor just yet, and just wanted to do a couple of practice pushes to see how I push and if it would bring the baby down at all. She was still pretty high and so I knew I would have my work cut out for me. By 3:20 I had started pushing. I pushed with every contraction for over an hour and she was not really coming down very much. The doctor came in about half way through pushing and she told me that the baby was stuck on my pelvic bone, and that her head was turned in a sideways position that was making it even more difficult for her to move down. She would try to turn the baby's head during a contraction and was trying to move a little lip of cervix that was still there at the same time, while I pushed. For this sake alone, I am so glad that I got the epidural and couldn't feel more than just pressure. One of the other side effects I started having from the epidural was uncontrollable shakes. My whole body shook from when I started pushing to when baby was delivered. I couldn't control it, and I didn't know which was worse, the shakes or the heartburn which was raging at this point. Every time I would push, I would feel the acid come in my throat, and I would try to swallow real quick before taking another breath to push again during contractions. It. Was. Torture! All of a sudden, before I knew it, I was throwing up. You wouldn't think I had much to throw up but apparently those ice chips I had been chewing on were just enough. NOT GOOD!

At this point, I continued to push for a bit, but after nothing still was happening, the doctor decided to take a break and let me labor down for a bit in different positions to see if that would help the baby come down on her own and get unstuck from my pelvic bone. I changed positions two or three times, and labored down for about an hour. The nurse checked me again, and said that the baby had come down further and that she thought I would have better luck pushing this time around. So she called the doctor back in and we started pushing again. As I started pushing again, the heartburn got bad again, and the doctor said that while she had come down from my pelvis, her head was still turned funny and so during the contractions and while I pushed, she would try to turn her. My epidural started wearing off again, so I just tried to use that extra feeling and pain of the contractions and to push through them. It was about 5:15 when the pushing started again, and she wasn't born until 6:55 pm. At around 6 pm, the doctor said that it was time to do something different. The baby's heart rate was consistently tachycardic (too high), and mine was getting high as well. I had just thrown up again, and was nearing the end of my rope. I didn't know how much longer I could push effectively and since I wasn't feeling like she was making any progress down the birth canal, I was getting frustrated and exhausted quick! The doctor's suggestion was to try a vacuum to help bring the baby down. She asked if I was okay with that, and then things got complicated. I asked what the risks were, and she said that it was possible it could cause brain hemorrhage for the baby. The intended parents heard that and freaked out. I don't blame them one bit! They ended up in the hallway, sobbing, while I was in the hospital bed, crying because the other option was a c-section. The doctor was saying that it would be a very long recovery for me, at least two weeks of not driving, extra pain, an incision, and everything else it would bring. I kept thinking, Troy goes back to New Jersey in 8 days, and I won't even be able to take Brae to kindergarten, or hold Kynlee, or do any of the other mom duties I have! I was crying during contractions and pushing, and Troy was trying to tell me that everything would be okay, and that if he had to, he wouldn't have to go back to Jersey right away and that he could stay and help for as long as I needed. I felt bad that I would be the cause of him not being able to return to work, and I also was worrying about what the intended parents must be thinking and going through at the same time. My doctor kept saying: "You're my patient, the only person I need consent from to do the vacuum is you." I heard the intended father say that he didn't want to the vacuum and that he would prefer for me to do the c-section. The doctor explained that even that wasn't the greatest of options either since they would have to push the baby back up the birth canal, and then rush me to c-section room and open me up, and still have to pull baby out of birth canal and then out of my uterus. I was terrified this was going to happen. My nurse, at this point, said that she was going to go talk to the nurse manager and figure out what legally could be done and who's ultimate decision it would be. I was worried I would jeopardize the relationship I have with the intended parents if something were to go wrong during the vacuum procedure, and I was also terrified to do the c-section. After a little while, the couple came back in, and since the nurse manager had taken some time to explain the procedure to them in more detail, along with my doctor who had stepped out to answer any questions they might have, they were ready to try the vacuum. My doctor started setting up for the procedure, and she said: "Okay Sarah, I am not going to use the vacuum for more than 3 contractions. If it isn't working after 3 contractions we will go to c-section." GULP! I had to sign a consent form that said: Patient agrees to vacuum assisted vaginal birth, if unsuccessful, will proceed to emergency c-section." The doctor then said: "Okay, Sarah you have got to push with everything you've got. Let's get this baby out!" I don't know where I found the strength from, but I pushed like my life depended on in! The doctor put the vacuum on the baby's head, and then told me to push. In one and a half contractions she was born!!! I heard the baby cry right away, realized she was out and that I had finally gotten her out, and I burst into tears. There were 13 people in the room, all nurses and nursery nurses, the nurse manager, the intended parents, my nurse and a paramedic student that was watching, and Troy. I don't think there was a dry eye in the room, except for maybe Troy :) The couple was sobbing, I was bawling, and I was so relieved that I didn't have to have a c-section! lol The doctor delivered the placenta after quite a while of pushing and tugging on my uterus. I was bleeding a little too much, so I got some cytotec to slow down the bleeding and then doctor had to get some leftover membranes that were still in my uterus. Once she got that out, she looked for any tears or lacerations. Surprisingly, there were none! I didn't tear which is great! The nurses and nursery nurses were doing the initial tests on the baby in the room and so it was pretty chaotic for a bit, but then all of a sudden, it was just me, my nurse, the doctor, and Troy! The doctor finished up her job, and they made me as comfortable as possible, and then I got to finally eat something! Food never tasted so good!

This process has been interesting, exhausting, unpredictable at times, but mostly very exciting! I am so happy and excited for the couple to begin their journey as parents now! I got to hold the baby last night for a little while. She is a cutie. I will post another blog with a couple of pictures as I take them, probably in the next few days. I want to respect the parents and let them bond with the baby as much as possible! They will be in the country until September 19th, and then will be headed back to France as long as birth certificate and passport arrive in time. I have had several questions from the nurses asking me how I'm doing emotionally, and the answer is that I'm doing just fine! I don't feel any attachment to the baby, or sad in any way. I was so happy to see my babies this morning after Brae got out of kindergarten. They are my world and I am so thankful for them! I'm so happy and proud of myself that I was able to provide a sense of family to another family that was so desperate for it! I will probably post another update in a few weeks with how everything is going emotionally for me for those of you that want to know! If you have any questions, I would be happy to answer them! Thank you all for reading and following me on this journey! It's been grand! :)


Baby Alice
7 lbs 13 ounces
Born at 6:55 pm.
21 inches long

Sarah